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Monday, September 17, 2012

One Thing At A Time

I may be making progress. I feel like I may have made a step forward today to solve one of my big problems. Fingers crossed. At least this helps me feel like I'm working toward something. That was a big one.

I also worked my *ss off at the office today. It was a long, long day. But it was Monday and Mondays are like that. Tomorrow will be better. I've got a lot to squeeze into this short work week!

I also accomplished a lot around the house despite having an individual session with my director this evening. Also productive. I feel like the memorization and dialect work is coming along nicely. So much so, I may just take next week off!

So my house is in order, I've prepared a few days of food, and I'm checking things off the list. Next up...bath for Peanut. There is so much that has to be done to prep for a vacation!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Bringing The Outdoors Indoors

I finally found a place to hang that yellow thing. I found it at an antique store when looking for living room decorations, but couldn't find wall space for it. It's been living in my bedroom on a shelf and I've grown fond of it in there, but it didn't belong on the shelf.

As I was gazing at these old floral tiles my mother gave me, I realized they might  work with the other small decoration. And then two weeks later I decided to finally hang them on my wall. I'm thinking it works.

This little corner in my bedroom may have been the last expanse of free wall space in my house. But you never know where else I can squeeze something in! I did find a little spot in the dining room that needed a little something as well.

And really, these three new floral pieces go well with my impressionistic roses, the gigantic inky, floral painting across the room, and the three panels of blossoms over my bed. Even the pictures I have in my bedroom are outdoorsy. For some reason I've gathered all these natural elements in the room where I desire the most calm. Well done.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I Deserve A Mojito

Ewey. Yucky. Grossness.

I've had enough for today. Now I need to drink to forget.

I had my very first run-in with maggots today. I don't even think I can put into words the absolute horror you experience when you realize what your eyes are seeing....on your kitchen counter....right next to the food you're preparing for dinner. Yuck. Yuck. YUCK!

Needless to say, that teensy bit of liquid in the crock pot was tossed down the sink, followed by running water down the sink for ... oh twenty minutes or so. Just to make sure all those buggers washed far, far away from my kitchen. Everything got a once over in the sterilization department and the dishwasher is running the rest of the sterilization as we speak. This is something I can never un-see. I will forever be changed.

As if that wasn't enough to give me nightmares, I headed outside to move the old filing cabinet from the back alley to the front yard for a large item pick up tomorrow. Luckily the four thousand pound pressed-board filing cabinet has weakened structurally in the months it has sat out in the alley. Moisture has swollen the boards and they were easy to pull apart with my hands. I toted one heavy piece at a time through the backyard to the street in front.

I picked up the last piece, the bottom drawer, and proceeded to shut the back gate. As I trudged back over the uneven ground I thought to myself I was blessed with the darkness so I couldn't see what I was holding in my hands. I set down the drawer to close the second gate and jumped back after laying my eyes on the most gigantic spider on the edge of the drawer I was just holding. (I'm not going to lie...I screamed. Loud. Right outside my neighbor's window).

I used a stick to fling the spider across the driveway and noticed a long, dark slug-like slug slinking up over the edge of the drawer. EEEEEEWWWWW! Again the stick was my savior, protecting me from the reality of a slug crawling up my arm. Flung into the night, I assume both intruders will be long gone by morning. They better be.

I took a quick glance for any more infestation near the top of the drawer, grabbed it quickly, and practically ran it the rest of the way up the driveway to the pile of other filing cabinet pieces and flung it down.

Yuckity, yuck, yuck, yuck! I feel like I need a bath. I'm all creepy crawly. Why on earth did I make wild rice soup tonight? I can't imagine the thought of what I will see when I have to close my eyes. Hence the mojito. I need to wash those visions right out of my mind. Now. And forever.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Turn! Turn! Turn!

So it turns out I'm going to survive.

I've been let down by people before. Lots actually. But for some reason this one just seems a little bit under the category of incomprehensible. But you'll have that. Life moves on. The fact that I'm able to put my thoughts into words to help put it behind me is actually a huge deal. It's part of the process and, believe it or not, on the upswing from the low point.

I think the approaching fall season is helping remind me that everything changes. New seasons breathe new life into me....especially fall. There is a lot to look forward to in the coming months and I'm going to focus on that. I've thrown open the windows and opened the door on possibilities where I had been cooped up in stagnant air. And the crisp, fresh air fills my lungs with purpose.

I'll be working on letting fall calm me with it's peace and reassurance that to everything, there is a season. And a time for every purpose, under heaven.

Thanks to The Byrds for your guidance.

Friday, September 7, 2012


I may have lost faith.

I've always been someone who expects the world of others...and sees the greatest potential people have to offer. I think that is why I'm usually disappointed and let down. I just don't know how to look at the world with less expectation I guess.

But I'm closing this chapter and you never know what the next one will have to teach me. The transition is always the hardest part.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Learning To Let Go

Do normal people actually get to a point where they feel they have mastered this? So far I've found it to be a life-long miserable failure. An exercise in futility.

It of course doesn't help that given any situation, I will always make the wrong decision. Again... I feel like normal people learn to eventually choose wisely.

I've been feeling a lot lately like I belong in a home. Somewhere where people have to take care of me. I'm super special and I just feel like I need constant care. Someone to take care of all the adult responsibilities for me. Someone to decide what I should eat for dinner and what medications I should take.

I could paint. I haven't painted... I mean something other than walls...since I moved to Springfield. I could paint and basket weave and stay out of everyone's hair. Promise. I'd be real good. And I'd practice this letting go thing every day. Maybe I'd learn how to feel better.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Vintage Decorating

One of my Mockingbird castmates had a brilliant idea. She suggested I find vintage fabric to turn into pillows for my new old sofa. I have never really considered this before, but it's right up my alley! I've been looking and looking for pillows for years and I never seem to find anything that is my style at a price I'm willing to pay. Why the hell are pillows so expensive?!?

So about two point two minutes later, my mind started churning with ideas. I squeaked in an hour at my local antique shop yesterday and stumbled upon this beautiful table cloth for $8.95! It is a heavy, textured fabric I figured would work perfectly for sofa pillows. I also thought it would be the perfect yellow to compliment my new sofa.

After comparing it at home, I was a little disappointed that it was much lighter and brighter than the sofa. Sitting on my new couch I noticed the plain white desk chair across the room. I've previously recovered the seat of this chair several times, so I knew it would be an easy project. And from across the room I thought the yellow would compliment the sofa without looking like it didn't match.

I was right! It looks great and gives a little pop of yellow on the other side of the room! And after a night to sleep on it, I came to terms with the fact that I could make pillows out of this fabric and keep looking for more to coordinate (and tie in the reds of the rest of my house). I could end up with a whole couch of pillows and then who cares if one is lighter yellow?

So I went shopping in my basement for old pillows that no longer match anything in my house. I found these lovely little button pillows. I removed the center buttons, measured out four circles, and cut out two strips for the edging. I put the right side of the fabric on the front and back and the reverse side out on the edging. I absolutely love it! I squished the pillows inside and hand stitched the small openings closed. I still can't decide  if I want to do buttons at all. I'm going to sleep on it for a day or two.

And here are my two new pillows with my one old one on the darker golden sofa. I could use a dozen more! I have three more square pillows and two more button pillows in the basement. The trick will be hunting down more fabric. I can't wait to tackle that challenge! Now this has got me thinking about new curtains too... What a productive project labor day!

Sunday, September 2, 2012


The set has come down. Costumes tossed in the wash. Make-up cleaned and stowed away for next time. It's hard to believe a journey that began last February in a crowded church hallway has come to an end. I invested a lot of time in that hallway waiting for my ten minutes in the audition room. Once cast in To Kill A Mockingbird, I waited and waited for summer to come and rehearsals to begin!

The last month and a half I have gone through a lot personally and it was the show that was my shining beacon. At Wednesday's pick up rehearsal I was sick, sick, sick. Miserable. As the actors quickly ran through blocking and lines without the emotional commitment it takes to put on a show, things (as they usually do at a pick up rehearsal), turned goofy. It really makes sense if you think about it. It feels silly just going through the motions. I so wished I felt well enough to join in on the fun. And by the end of the night I was feeling considerably better.

After the last week and a half of seriously poor health and a pretty bad day today, I was hoping for the opportunity to pull off a stellar closing show. This evening I arrived at the theatre, having forgotten to take my medicine and feeling yucky, but I began the process of getting ready despite that. By the time my costume was on and makeup applied I was already feeling better. Waiting outside the back door of the indoor theatre moments before show time, I paused to reflect on how much theatre has a calming, healing effect on me. If only the rest of my life made as much sense!

I will never forget this time of my life and I'm glad To Kill A Mockingbird and the people of Maycomb are forever woven into it. It was such a special time and a great group of people to work with. I'll always look upon this tired old town we created at Theatre in the Park with fondness. Thank you all for helping me through. I miss it already!


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